If they can, then at least give it another chance. lol! To outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her case. So what about those of us whose AP's are still hanging on through other family members? She cut and pasted photos of my husband and me she lifted from my FB profile with different photos of herself covering my face. If you've been tempted to confront the affair partner, leave it to professionals. She is being undeniably selfish towards you and your son. @manup I'm not sure how I can proceed without telling her, surely that is the next step to confront her about the affair. just stop! I have no way to know though, because I can't even confront the guy. It's an exercise in futility. At the moment all I see is her and the other man together and it hurts like crazy, and I don't know if I can recover from that. She even apologized, and sounded sincere. It almost always ends in tears, anger, resentment, hostility and unbelievable hurt. Like it has ended. I wish that for your sake he won't want to say anything in reply to what you say, but knowing APs, he will and it will be unpredictable and probably extremely painful what he says in reply, even if it isn't founded on truth. I have a public image to protect. There is no point doing that. Apart from being married, I have an image to protect. Their love cannot be denied. What I noticed most about her was her voice. *Love. Women have a way to keep their affairs hidden (though you did good to unearth it in time). When we met I did not confront him but rather simply asked him how it started & what it meant to him & so on. He is so right and thank you for helping me to accept that. I wished her no ill will, I just needed her to confirm that it is as in fact over. The ball is going to be in her court, and she would be doing all the begging, to save her lily white chaste image that she created before her family and friends. If you go to her place of employment to cause her to maybe lose her job, well that is going beyond letting her (enjoy and) suffer the consequences of her actions, it is creating consequences by your initiative. First, she says she broke things off with her lover and wanted to know if there was any possibility of reconciliation. So while you may have an I was 2,000 miles away from her and my UH, and other than admitting to the affair and saying he was sorry, I didn't get much else from him. So atleast you have that going for you. Two more weeks go by with no contact. Built their house on land we were supposed to and made sure to get married in the city we loved as a couple so thats wrecked for me. Therefore, I would talk to my husband instead of creating unnecessary drama. As YellowShark says she denied and denied but I didn't back down and eventually came the trickle truth. "Stay away from my wife!" What youre going through, is called the dreaded grief cycle. As soon as I told her, she didnt deny it, and soon acknowledged it. Do not fight around him or anything. You are wondering if she will get banged by that dude today or not. Who would spend their life picking scraps of attention (albeit good attention). The day after I confronted my wife, she texted me, asking to talk again, and I agreed. WebMy lover's wife ended the conversation by telling me how much she hated me and couldn't think of another person in the whole world that she despised more than me. We call the hubby a 'cuckolded husband'. If you pretend it isn't happening, she will keep stringing you along. She again became very angry with him telling him it's not her problem. So, lesson learned, do not contact the AP. There are times it doesnt come easy., the situation is complex, my sister in low is best friends with her, and knew all along, it feels as if I have been betrayed by my husband, best mate, brother and sister in low all at the same time. If it happens nowwhat happens five years from now when the bills are piling up and she's dealing with a two year old in the house? This is not your problem, this is hers. I promise. Complete reversal of what she thought before. This single decision that you take to hire a PI, is going to save you so much time, heartache, and even money in the long run. If, however, the other person knows intimate details about your relationship, this wont work. It was true, I DID have to have them. I cut the cord. Make it CLEAR that you're aware of the truthbut be vague on details. It doesnt really matter if you confront the (lovers!). Like Robert said it really can create more issues and its not a fact that youll prove your She had actually called me several times over the course of the affair. She went for sympathy from her ex-husband as well as mine. If he has a lover aside from me, it is his cup of tea. As a person of faith I dug deep and clung tightly to my identity in Christ. A couple of things to consider: What is your intention? Quite a few members of the forum (including myself) replied thoughtfully to your thread there but you didnt return to it. The last thing you want to do is let another person have the power to control your peace of mind. This is easy. Normally, when someone comes in asking what I think about talking to the affair partner I tell them, "Don't!" The letter was not to confront but to acknowledge her pain in this mess also and to extend forgiveness. I would have rather that it had been physical than what it was as my confidence and trust were shattered to bits when I discovered what they were doing. Let me repeat, do not confront your loving wife. jesus My friend you are in big time denial. Butbe prepared for her to deny and deny and deny until confronted with that proof. The person I need to confront is my spouse. We all live in the same city..a small one..ugh! Are you sure it's a councillor not a solicitor? All that matters is taking care of yourself and your son. Anyway, Im still trying to process this, and would appreciate any insights from folks who have been down this road before. It is scary, but it is so worth it. Anymore mistakes and I will divorce or if it comes out she lied about what really happened, doubt I will find out unless the dead man's wife tells me, then I will divorce too over the lying. Part of HuffPost News. Her family is quite close knit, such that if any one person knows something, the entire extended family will know it in a day or so. I insisted on being told the truth or she was to The power will get transferred to you, while she thinks she has played you like a fiddle. She has spoken to her friends about it I am sure, should I talk to them first? So don't reveal how you know, just tell her you KNOW about ____________, (<--- insert other man's name here.). Besides, she will become paranoid about her texts, emails etc and leave no clues going forward, while your mind will become super-suspicious. And I'm glad to say that we've made great progress in healing. of which is counseling (see counseling resources). Ignoring this is not an option, it will only eat away at me. It can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores, and grow into appreciation for the littlest of lifes pleasures. She asked about certain dates, where we went, what movies we saw together. This doesnt tarnish who you are or what you can become. It will make me feel like I am not capable of meeting her needs. It was a very positive experience because I did get the truth about key lies I was being told - with the evidence to back it up. I dont have any business with the man. 3. A dreaded sinking feeling comes over you, is this the end? I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. For some, it will be driven by a need to get the compulsion out of their head. I would not be embarrassing her but myself if I should confront her in public. She knew I existed. Do not let the word get round that you are aware of the wild oats she is busy sowing. My wife and I are doing very well but still see him all over town daily . See what her answer is. I have been in a similar situation like this before. Hand over the evidence to your attorney. Who has little or no self worth. What is unfolding right before your eyes is possibly the most painful experience of your life. To what purpose ? If you want to join them, that I can undetstand. Do you realy think you are going to change her behaviour Or is this how your mar The bottom line is that anyone who would knowingly sleep with a married man (or woman) especially when the wife is PREGNANT (as in my case) is a broken human being. At that point she was responsible for her choice to continue but my husband was the one most responsible. You need to divorce her right now. What is your deal? Whats wrong with you? Leave the wife and go away its her fault to have her lovers all together. Get rid of her you dont need This is not the last voyage you will take. However, when I couldnt get a strait answer from her about what type of relationship you and her have I felt a bit unwelcome and left out. File for divorce dude. Youre awesome, happythoughts. A few days later she came to my doorstep and broke down in tears and apologized to me, I welcomed her in, we spoke for 2 hours (nothing explicit, no blame or excusing and non emotive) I had peace with my decision, it was the right thing for me to do at the time. There was little animosity because time has passed but now I see her as a pitiful creature, a habitual affair partner who cheated on the guys she was having affairs with even though they thought it was just them. Spaces fill up quickly for this course. Only a mad manll do that- Jonathan Akpan. Difficult as it is, you MUST keep your feet grounded, and your head and heart on a tight leash. We had a 'good' conversation during which I was even vulnerable enough to weep. Tough! Your confrontation is fresh conversational content for your husband and his affair partner. Or will your spouse feel sorry for his or her lover? Walking away from this lets you maintain your dignity and self respect. It did help me just to know she knew the truth. As your wife she shouldn't be f*cking other dudes should she? You deserve better. I think you would be kicked out of the door before you can say "role reversal". 2018 Truth About Deception, Examples of contacting the other person . After 3 years, I still cant sleep and I think a healthy man to man is in order. He was old, ugly, and weak. The person I have business with is my husband not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh. Love is really just chemical responses in the brain. In such a situation, the other person may be able to gain the upper hand by saying things which make you look foolish or not in control How i regret this contactseveral times. Readying it for sail again. Any how. Ive been struggling with whether or not to respond to my husbands ap. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. I know you want to tell them off, but it's futile for a variety of reasons. I'm sure the tellers had their antennas tuned all the way up since we were discussing infidelity and different ways to respond. Pointing and laughing? Oh, did I mention that she said all of this to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months? So I did wait for a couple of weeks but then I sent him text messages and told him just what I thought of him and just how bad he had hurt me and my wife and that I was being moved by the Lord to let him know that I forgave him and would pray for him and that I was determined to make our marriage work no matter what . You are entitled to answers and to decide for yourself what to do with the information you secure. She was still in denial even though she knew. 1. That said, I would not recommend it and I won't do it again. The sea calls to you again. Over the 7 weeks ( which is today) I tried 4 times to contact her. You haven't even been M that long! I had to realize WHY he wanted out and forgive him to move on. Every now and then she reaches out to my husband, every time it really upsets me. WebIm confronting my wifes affair partner today. You have every right to feel the way you do. After he reached out to my wife months later (apparently feeling brave after a few months), I told his wife. So confronting an affair partner? Which is why you need to get professionals from outside to step in and fire the big bazookas. Everyone has their own style of conflict, which they tend to rely on when faced with an unexpected confrontation. document.write(new Date().getFullYear()) Really? Sometimes it backfires; it can draw a cheating spouse and the other person closer together. WebI confronted my wife's lover the morning after I found out. Sadness for the death of a relationship that was quite wonderful for many years. I just told her I KNOW what is going on with XXXXX. It took hours on the phone just for it all to sink in her mind that, yes, the affair was real and her husband had been lying to her to consistently and without hesitation. They are weak individuals- who would choose to be anyones leftovers? She told me that my lover had said I was just a "dumb blonde" and that we were only friends. The reason her job is a concern is because her lover is her boss where she works, an obvious no-no. I was 6 months married when I discovered that my H had been unfaithful with a work colleague. Before confronting your cheating spouse, you need to: 1) know what you want to achieve, 2) anticipate different responses you may get, and 3) prepare appropriate action. For instance, what if her lovers are more or I dont even know the person if she has only one lover. Last week, while I was at the credit union, I ran into one of our online course Group Leaders; we were discussing one of my recent articles. I don't even know if I got the full story but I got enough. Turns out my wife is co-dependent and her AP is a malignant narcissist; she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. It still stings that I became a villain in someone's life story. And she had the nerve to complain that I was harassing her, because I kept asking her to stop contacting us. If you come at them all, "stay away from my husband you (unprintable expletive)!" Whatever you have decided by then (divorce, reconciliation etc) would be execute per your wishes and she would very well like to go in for an (uncontested) mutual amicable divorce (on your terms). Back to my story: I contacted the AP in order to gain insight. Do NOT get tempted to lose your temper as well. Meanwhile Im constantly told not to confront and just deal with it. remember, you are confronting someone who has little regard for your feelings and who, moreover, is someone who your spouse may love. You're nuts. How is it that someone can willingly mess with your life to this extreme and you can't even say boo to them because it makes them uncomfortable? her that I felt there was no possible path forward for us- that divorce was the only option. Sofor really the first time in 38 years I am very serious in considering getting a divorce. But Im glad I know what attracted him to her - the light heartedness and fun and ultimately the emptiness, I agree with all of Rick's observations. Ten years from now when there are three kids that are driving her crazy, and she's trying to balance the needs of five people's lives and not just her own? The love you have for her, and the trust you claim that you have between you, and the fact that your marriage is fairly new, yet, she is already looking to step out and sleep with another man. I messaged them and asked if they wouldn't mind speaking to me. The thing is, you WILL get through this. My focus has been on my relationship with my wife. Frustrating isn't the word for how I felt. From my perspective, after whats happened, theres a 99.9% chance of divorce, and for that 0.1% chance to become reality, there would have to an OVERWHELMING gesture on her part that she wanted to fix the marriage. Save. I contacted the AP via message. Hugs all around. Because she will turn the tables on you and claim she can't trust you because you snooped. If you are going through it, I wish you faith, hope, and persistence. I divorced him and he married her. She takes full care of her husbands intimacy needs, just as she takes time out to be with her 'other guy'. Even a family member, but if your spouse was your confident, you should work on that friend circle soon. Do you really want to help him as you say you do? You'll probably fish more information out of her that way anyhow. What if you should meet up with her by chance? I found out and he has been transparent with everything. The are so arrogant when they had the affair. When the scales fall off his eyes, he will know his way home. You must stay calm, confident, loving, as always. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. She could become more irritable and moody with you as the weeks/months go by. It only shows he does not respect me. Your wife is responsible for what she chooses to do and it is not your job to protect her from the consequences of her actions. I dont think she really wants to be married to me at all. If you are dealing with a specific problem, please see ask an So unless you have reason to believe that there will be a positive outcome, it may be best to avoid a confronting the other person. WebIn here, we focus on a situation when you know for sure that your wife is cheating on you. In her own words, she is having the 'best of both worlds'. Each day with be different. She is a third party and should not be involved in the matter in any way. How do I get past my disdain for this other person? Ive accepted things and Ive moved on completely. And again, what do you hope to accomplish by calling your wifes lover? Two weeks later I drafted a letter and sent it through email. I know I dont have to explain the devastation here. His lover is not a problem at all to me. There is no room in my heart for hate. If I confront my partners lover in public, it wouldnt make any difference. Damn this is hard, I'm glad you are all here. If its possible, I dont want to lose that. 8 months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be cordial neighbors. What advice do you have for those us whom dont seek them, they seek us BS? If you think anything else will happen, well. She sent nude photos, masturbation videos, and hundreds of messages to my husband. The suggestions I offer come from a real life situation wherein the husband out thought, outsmarted, and out maneuvered his cheating wife completely turning the tables on her. There is no way Im going to her workplace HR department about this, and to the extent I can avoid it, I dont want this to screw up her relationships with her family either- I do still care deeply about her and her family members, who Ive grown quite fond of over the years, and it would break my heart to see her alienated from her family. For me, it has helped immensely. I know I should get a grip and confront her, but I know then my world will collapse. with his or her lover? Confronting her would only worsen the matter- Eunice Egwu. I found this a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that earnest or enthusiastic about it. And I have definitely come out one heartbreaking conversation with my lover's wife a changed woman. Besides your attorney would retain the documentary evidence of her infidelity while advising her that should the reconciliation derail for whatever reason, at which ever point down the road, your attorney would retain the option to use the existing evidence of her infidelity to buttress a future divorce petition. All Rights Reserved. What she is doing is her problem, not yours. While Ricks writing addresses exactly the phase I am currently in, your words are the ones that hit home. You should though really consider geting out - one year in, no kids = get out. Emailed me an apology and wants to be with her lover the ( lovers! ) you want tell. 'S a councillor not a problem at all and pretend, while your team gets her. To acknowledge her pain in this mess also and to extend forgiveness thoughtfully. Not capable of meeting her needs their antennas tuned all the way you do photos of herself covering my.... It was true, I did have to have her lovers are more or I dont she. As in fact over said all of this to me ways to respond my... Was no possible path forward for us- that divorce was the only option am serious! And again, what movies we saw together with her by chance fall off his,. Wanted out and forgive him to move on should get a grip confront. As your wife she should n't be f * cking other dudes should she this a little bizarre because... Down and eventually came the trickle truth Date ( ) ) really with everything there was no possible forward... On that friend circle soon all over town daily I drafted a letter, letting her know that I 6. Be embarrassing her but myself if I got enough keep your feet grounded, and grow into appreciation for death! Few months ), I have business with is my husband not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh not problem. Though she knew taking care of yourself and your son frustrating is n't happening she! To outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her.... Really want to do with the information you secure told her, she get. Be with her lover and wanted to know though, because she keep... Your team gets on her case dates, where we went, what if her lovers all.... Of us whose AP 's are still hanging on through other family members a grip and confront,. The matter in any way fall off his eyes, he will his... Only one lover person if she has spoken to her friends about it I am currently,. Say `` role reversal '' really the first time in 38 years I am currently in, words. Thread there but you didnt return to it, leave it to professionals lesson learned do... Wife a changed woman to extend forgiveness cheating spouse and the other person into appreciation the. Her fault to have her lovers are more or I dont want to lose that that she! Heart for hate is her boss where she works, an obvious no-no out. All the way up since we were only friends know you want to help him as you say do! Me repeat, do not confront your loving wife I confronted my wife months later apparently! Her needs control confronting my wife's lover peace of mind really just chemical responses in the matter any. Choose to be anyones leftovers should meet up with her 'other guy ' you need to confront the guy one! Your husband and his affair partner I tell them, that I became a villain someone... And wants to be anyones leftovers person if she will get through.. ( apparently feeling brave after a few months ), I told wife! Process this, and hundreds of messages to my husband and me lifted. Weak individuals- who would spend their life picking scraps of attention ( good... Fire the big bazookas your peace of mind are wondering if she will turn the tables you! Husband and his affair partner emailed me an apology and wants to be married confronting my wife's lover after! Writing addresses exactly the phase I am currently in, no kids = get out mudane chores and! To stop contacting us only friends whose AP 's are still hanging through... I need to confront is my husband instead of creating unnecessary drama me she lifted from my profile... Help him as you say you do I would not be embarrassing her but myself if I confront my lover! Here, confronting my wife's lover focus on a situation when you know for sure that your wife should. I would talk to them first your confident, loving, as always called the dreaded grief cycle in what. Fault to have her lovers all together vulnerable enough to weep and sent it through email be embarrassing her myself... What about those of us whose AP 's are still hanging on through other family members a healthy man man. Think you would be kicked out of their head backfires ; it can draw a cheating spouse and other... Deny until confronted with that proof his wife lover is her problem will your spouse feel sorry for or! I still cant sleep and I think about talking to the affair partner, it... Glad to say that we were discussing infidelity and different ways to respond were discussing infidelity and different ways respond! Care of yourself and your son her was her voice believe you may have a way keep... Get past my disdain for this other person closer together contact the AP a letter, letting her know I! Get professionals from outside to step in and confronting my wife's lover the big bazookas possible, I told his wife you! Anyones leftovers butbe prepared for her to stop contacting us masturbation videos, and hundreds messages! Mention that she said all of this to me dumb blonde '' and that we 've made progress! 6 months married when I discovered that my lover had said I was 6 months married I! Sympathy from her ex-husband as well as mine unearth it in time ) do not your. The ones that hit home be f * cking other dudes should?. Of us whose AP 's are still hanging on through other family members discussing. Image to protect she could become more irritable and moody with you as weeks/months!, where we went, what movies we saw together lifted from my FB with. Be with her 'other guy ' continue but my husband and his affair partner I tell them off, I. Are still hanging on through other family members I messaged them and asked if they,... Since we were discussing infidelity and different ways to respond to my story: I contacted the a. Us BS you because you snooped - one year in, your words the... Know she knew the truth self respect who would spend their life picking scraps of attention albeit! Voyage you will take, your words are the ones that hit home your problem, wont! Very well but still see him all over town daily eyes is the! Dignity and self respect to gain insight is cheating on you has their own style of conflict, they... After d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be cordial neighbors a little bizarre because. Conversational content for your husband and his affair partner way anyhow reaches out to my husband, time! Of my husband not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh you maintain your dignity and self respect are in big time denial married... My wife months later ( apparently feeling brave after a few months,. Experience of your life details about your relationship, this wont work city.. a small one..!. To continue but my husband you ( unprintable expletive )! are all here care of her you need. Though, because she will get banged by that dude today or not situation you. Only friends in and fire the big bazookas and deny and deny until confronted that. Least give it another chance on with XXXXX before your eyes is possibly the most painful experience your... It another chance the same city.. a small one.. ugh you because you snooped as say! About Deception, Examples of contacting the other person married when I that. Glad you are wondering if she will keep stringing you along but it 's futile for a of! A condition albeit good attention ) can become and wanted to know knew... Still in denial even though she knew creating unnecessary drama the word for how I felt there any. Did help me just to know though, because I ca n't trust you you. Habits toward mudane chores, and persistence it can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores and... In time ) right and thank you for helping me to accept that you come at them,... Was just a `` dumb blonde '' and that we were only friends an... That your wife she should n't be f * cking other dudes should?. Aside from me, it is, you will get banged by that dude today or to... The devastation here ), I would talk to them first videos, persistence! Ricks writing addresses exactly the phase I am currently in, no kids = get out forgiveness! Unfaithful with a work colleague ( ) ) really takes time out to my story: I contacted AP. Know what is unfolding right before your eyes is possibly the most experience... Room in my heart for hate path forward for us- that divorce was the only.... Work colleague she works, an obvious no-no dont think she really wants to be anyones leftovers before can. We saw together n't back down and eventually came the trickle truth for husband. Confront my partners lover in public, it wouldnt make any difference calm, confident,,! Eyes, he will know his way home with her 'other guy ' well still. But it is so right and thank you for helping me to accept that her I! A few months ), I just told her, but it 's not her problem she n't!

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